Holy Crap!

Once again, I am going to be talking s**t, so if you can't handle my bluntness, please don't read on :)

As I have been thinking about my healing journey, and reading books like Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr, I realized that the first step I want to take is to clean out my pipes. I can't rally start healing if I plugged up. It is funny in her book because she talks about colon hydrotherapy and suggests that you ask trusted friends, family, chiropractors, etc about who to go to. Now I don't know about you, but I am still a little shy about actually verbalizing my poop issues with others. It isn't so easy to say to a friend or colleague "Do you know anyone that could help clean out my poop?" It's not exactly how to start a conversation. Thankfully, I have a trusted friend, whom I did discuss the topic with, she is also the one who recommended the book. Our conversation was more around should we try it (not together) as neither of had no idea what to expect or any clue of where to go.

In Kris Carr's book, there is a resource section at the end, and low and behold, there is a section on colon therapists. So I checked out the website for the International Association of Colon Therapists (www.i-act.org), and chose one to go see and experience the movement of my poo.

Now, I have had colonoscopies and flex sigs, so I have had to clean my colon out for these procedures. This is done with a medication for colonoscopies and enemas for the flex sig. Both of these methods really cleaned me out. Proof was in the pictures from my GI doc!  Anyways, I was telling myself that is is what it is going to be like. Well, I was right and wrong.

Here is the cliff note version of my experience. I had to wear a gown like when you go to the doctor and lie down on a table. It was quiet and peaceful, kind of like when you go to a massage therapist. The room was dimly lit and there was soft, spa like music playing. So far so good! Then the speculum comes out and is attached to a hose. Lordly - that is going where? Here is where I started my breathing to calm the nerves. Once I was all hooked up and the water started to go in, I was thinking this was super easy. The therapist and I were just chatting and then  my belly started to feel full and then the urge. She has warned me about having to breathe and ride the wave, so that is what I tried to do. Breath into my belly and relax. Guess what, there was no breathing into my belly. This was a wave that was a little more intense than expected. It was like trying to jam one more pair of shoes into an already full suitcase! Then the wave was turning into someone jumping on that suitcase to make sure that sweet pair of shoes was coming along on vacation! It didn't hurt, but boy was there pressure and the URGE! The really excellent part - not so much- was that nothing was coming out when she turned off the water flow. Now for those of you who have never experienced colon hydrotherapy, the tube going in your butt brings water into your colon at a rate set by the therapists. The idea is that when the flow is shut off, everything in your colon comes out. My gut decided that it wasn't going to let anything out not even with gentle tummy massage.  Here is where my fear of exploding all over the table instead of it going discretely out of you in the tube and into the waste system came to life.

I will spare you the details and I am willing to share only so much, but I can tell you that I was literally full of shit! I learned about using a squatting footstool and how that can assist in the release. I was amazed at the amount of everything. I had gallons of water inside along with tons of toxins that needed to get out!

We did attempt a shorter round after my release and once again found that discretely removing the waste from my body is not what my body will do.

After an hour with my therapist and praying that the plunger would not be needed, my session was over. Now I just had to drive 40 minutes home. :)  I made it no problem.

Colon hydrotherapy was intense but so relieving. I actually lost 2 pounds and feel thinner than I have in a while. My belly doesn't feel bloated. I feel clean. I am thinking I will try it again to continue cleaning out the toxins and help my colon heal. The next thing to ponder is just doing an enema at home or do I pay a therapist to fill my colon and then not have it come discretely out again?

Either way, I am glad I did it. I would recommend everyone go out and get their pipes cleaned. I am glad I did. I feel a lot freer than I have a long time. Amazing....

New direction

As I go through this journey and learn new things, I have felt a passion for health and wellness growing inside me. I have discovered that I have a true passion for nutrition and fitness and am amazed at what natural foods, herbs, ingredients, etc can do for people. How silly does that sound? I am surprised that something natural can help heal people and keep them healthy. How warped is my mind and society that we believe that only processed and chemically enhanced food and ingredients is good for us?

I am so excited that my eyes have finally opened. I feel like I have new life being breathed into me. I kind of feel like a hippie :) I am ok with that though because I am healing.

In my healing and eyes opening, I think I have finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up too. How exciting is that? I have only been in my nursing career for 15 years and never felt completely fulfilled. I really enjoy helping people but not with medications or invasive procedures. I enjoy hearing peoples' stories. I want to help them go from where they have been and where they are at to a place where they are improving their health and feeling better about themselves. I decided that I am going to go to school and become a health coach. I want to focus on vegan/vegetarian lifestyles and help people learn how to navigate a food store and choose healthy options that will fit into their life.  I am super excited and cannot wait to start my schooling. I never thought I would go back to school. I received my Masters degree in Nursing Administration in 2003 and said that was it!  This feels right though. Finally, I am discovering me and want to share my new me with everyone. So hold on, I am taking you with me. What an awesome ride I am on. I cannot wait to see what happens!

Move My Poo!

Yep, now I am going to start talking dirty. Dirty as in poop. So hold on as we dive into my intestines!

I have always been a believer in massage and how it can truly relax, de-stress, and help one heal. I was at a massage and my massage therapist introduced me to Chi Nei Tsang. I am no expert on this topic, but I can give a big shout out to the results!

My massage therapist discussed with me how it is done and the benefits. It is an abdominal massage that is meant to be internal organ therapy.  She taught me that Chi Nei Tsang (Chee-Nay-Song) translates to "Energy Transformation of the internal organs or viscera". Huh?  It is part of Classical Chinese Medicine and rooted in Taoism. Chi Nei Tsang affects:

• how one holds themselves
• one's posture
• one's breath
• the function of one's organs

Chi Nei Tsang brings awareness of these patterns and gives one the tools to help ease one's health. 

So how is this done? I'll give you the down and dirty rendition. You can be fully clothed for it, so no fear if you don't want to be completely naked in front of someone. Just need your naked tummy. While lying on your back, you will be in a comfortable position with pillows if needed. You learn how to breathe. This sounds easy, but remember from a previous post, that you need to learn to breathe. This breathing requires the skill of filling your abdomen and then your chest with your breath. While you are focusing on breathing, your therapist may guide you with some visualization techniques and meditation to allow you to relax and breath into various parts of your body. Once you are relaxed the therapist begins a massage technique near your belly button and continues around your abdomen in a clockwise direction. It can be a very light touch or deep depending on the person and their needs. The amount of energy and heat that was created while my therapist did this was amazing. I could feel it generating from her hands.

People can have a variety of reactions to this method. People can feel like things are clearer and more vivid, some people are tired and want to sleep, some are very energetic while others are very emotional. I felt amazing. I was relaxed and enthused by the experience. The effects from this method can last for up to 3 days.

So what's the scoop on poop?  Not only can this method be energizing, and stimulate the body's metabolism, it has a lot of benefits for your digestive system. Benefits like:

• stimulating bowels so nutrients can be absorbed better
• improve the process of elimination  - help your body get rid of the waste and toxins
• improve the colon's ability to resist disease
• relieve constipation
• relieve pain from IBS, reflux and Chron's disease

All I can say is "Hallelujah!" This method is amazing for moving the poo. If you struggle with any bowel issues, I can say from experience that this helps so much. I know when I don't do it regularly because my body screams loud and clear that nothing is getting through! The really cool part was that she taught me how to do it myself so I don't have to go to see her all of the time!  

I want to give credit where credit is due. If you are interested in experiencing this for your self, contact Mindy Meyer who owns Ayaa Massage and is trained in Chi Nei Tsang. Check her out! She is on Facebook. 

Mercury

Let's talk a little bit about the mysterious part of my sickness. I want to talk about Mercury. Not as in Freddy but as in mercury poisoning. How many of you grew up with those lovely silver fillings in your mouth? Or maybe you were a lucky one who has perfect teeth. Yes hubby, I'm talking to you :)

I grew up with so much silver in mouth, I am surprised I didn't get signals from the aliens above. Then when I grew up and still need fillings, the silver is cheaper, so I went with them. To be all Fancy Nancy, it is amalgam or the silver fillings. Here is what dentists are putting in your mouth when they put in the cheaper, amalgam fillings. They have about 50% mercury, 20-32% silver, 14% tin, 8% copper and other trace minerals (Thanks,  Jack Ferracane for this info found in your 2001 publication Materials in Dentistry: Principles and Applications). So, you may be asking, what is the big deal about mercury?


Let me tell you.... Here are some of the symptoms that I had: 

• diarrhea/constipation
• weight loss (40 lbs over 4 years without trying!)
• nausea
• fits of anger (I was a bitch on wheels - look out!)
• mood swings (again, my witch showed her ugly side)
• anxiety
• fear (food scares the hell out of me)
• chronic tiredness
• apathy
• dizziness
• irregular heartbeat
• lack of concentration
• sinusitis
• inflammation
• allergies (environmental, food, animal, etc)
• hair loss (my shower drain was quite hairy)
• skin problems (weird red spots that showed up and some would itch - gross!)

Guess what these are symptoms of - mercury poisoning. Sure they are also symptoms of other things  like PMS, dehydration, or maybe just a certifiable, crazy, stressed out mom.

Mercury is a toxic metal. Dentists are required to dispose of amalgam (silver, mercury, zinc, tin, copper, etc) in biohazard waste containers yet it is ok for us to have this in our mouths.

Did you know that when you have amalgam fillings, that they are constantly giving off toxic fumes which your body is absorbing and others are inhaling? When you chew or brush your teeth, the amount of mercury vapor coming off your teeth increases. If you want to see it in action, check out the video by the International Academy of Oral Medicine and Toxicology (www.iaomt.org) on you tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2VCen1vCMY.

So why do I think that I have mercury poisoning besides the symptoms? I had all of the amalgam removed by January of this year. Within a week of having it removed, I started to gain weight. Something that I have been wishing for for the past 4 years. I also have more energy, my anxiety is less, my irregular heartbeat is gone, my hair is growing in thicker, my skin is improving, and I feel like I am healing. It takes about 6 -12 months to rid your body of the mercury. I am even thinking that I should do some colon hydrotherapy and then detox my body with nutrition to completely heal. It is amazing what we put in our bodies and don't even think of the consequences. I would never eat a plate of mercury or want it in my drink, so why would I want it to be in my mouth for years and years?  I only wish I knew this sooner. The great part is that I am learning and changing and continuing to heal. The best part though, is that I can teach my son how to live healthier and hopefully not have to deal with everything that I have gone through. I am truly thankful for that. What a life lesson!

Mud Run

I had the most exhilarating experience this weekend! I have never been overly athletic, but I have always believed that exercise is important. In high school, I ran track. I ran sprints on the track team until I hurt my knee. Then I gave that up. Quitter!

Let's fast forward to the onset of my sickness. Losing weight so fast and feeling unhealthy really took a toll on my mental and physical health. Sure, I was thin and people told me how much they wish they could be as tiny as I am (this drove me nuts). As an aside - I even had people wish they could be "sick" like me so they could have my body. Really? I highly doubt that if you ever experience it. Anyways, I was gaunt and looked stressed and ill.

Two years ago I decided to try and gain weight by adding muscle. I wanted so badly to feel somewhat healthy and look like a human instead of bag of skin over bones. Curves was great. I toned my body and started to have muscle. I was feeling better and healthier. When I looked in the mirror, I actually liked what I saw. Who knew my abs could look like that!?!?! I kept this up for about 9 months and then took a break. It was summer, and I prefer to be outside instead of being inside on machines. I kept up being active with bike rides, walks, and playing with my son.

Even though I was active, I still didn't feel alive. So much in life was still draining me - work, eating stressors, health, etc. Then I started my new job in January this year. I met a woman (who is older than me) who told me about mud runs and that she was going to do one in August. My first response was "Not for me. I can't run since I hurt my knee in high school!" Same old excuse. Then I thought about it and realized that I told myself that 2012 was my year for change. This is my year to really start healing. I looked at the Dirty Girl one that my co-worker was going to do. Wow - a fun run with obstacles and no stress to it. No timing, no competition, heck - I don't even have to do the obstacles if I don't want to. Could I do this? Why not? I could walk the 5K if I had to. I am a chicken though when it comes to trying new things by myself. I asked a few friends to join me and a few said yes. Only one actually signed up with me.

I kept looking at mud runs. Here I am. A person who "can't run". I have no endurance. I have never run a 5K let alone done obstacles.  So what did I do? I signed up for 2 mud runs this summer. My plan was to train and do my best. I tried to run in town and through the park, and I ended up walking. My breathing was erratic, and my body hurt trying to run. Wuss. There's some positive self talk! All of the sudden time was up.  My friend who signed up with me and myself were faced with the first mud run this past weekend. I was scared and excited. Could I do it?

First, I couldn't sleep. I did imagine myself being a rock star and kicking butt in the run - even though it is not competitive. I woke up at 4:30 and my adrenaline was on high. Let's do this! We picked up my friend and drove to the mud run. We had our tanks on - "Superfly Mudpies" on the front and "Woggin' It All the Way!" on the back. Woggin' as in jog/walk because we didn't think we could do much more than that. Here is what happened.....

We are in the front lined up with our wave. They tell us to go, and we start jogging. We are in 2nd or 3rd position. Around the bend and getting near the first obstacles of tires we get passed by a mob of people. That's ok. We kept our pace and went through the tires. To the rope wall. Up we go and down we go and jog on. We look back and instead of the mob ahead of us, they are behind us. We keep going through the hot field, through the gross knee high river, under ropes in the mud, up hills and to the top of the slip-n-slide. Yep, the most gigantic slip-n-slide I have ever seen let alone gone down. This was so fun. Run and slide down on my belly and land in a splash of water, mud and grass. On we go and end up in the mud pit crawling in mud under ropes. After that, we are done. What? Done? We did it! Oh my God! We finished the run and in 2nd or 3rd place in our heat. What? I finished it, and I jogged and I did every single obstacle. I also finished with the biggest high of my life. I felt like I could run forever, but more than that, I knew that I had accomplished something I never thought I could. I told myself I could do it. I imagined myself doing it, and then I did it! I have never felt so alive or had so much fun!! I am healing in more ways than one. Life is amazing, and I feel amazing!

I want to say thank you to my wonderful and supportive husband and son who kept up with us at different points to take pictures so I could see myself doing it and for their never ending support and encouragement. I want to say thank you to my friend, Katie, who without her, I don't know if I could have done it. She is encouraging and supportive as well and together we accomplished this challenge. I can't wait to see what life brings next. I am ready for it, and I know I can do it because I believe in myself and that I can do anything that I set my mind to!

Alternative methods

As I go on my journey, I have found that I have less and less trust for the medical world. I think that they are helpful when you need to figure out what is going on by running a lab or doing a test. These things can give us a window into our bodies. What I have learned is that many physicians tend to think inside their textbook box. Trying to discuss and "alternative" method with physicians can be quite a struggle. Of course, I have a story.....

My GI doc that I have seen for many years was very happy performing test after test and throwing a procedure in here or there to diagnose what what going on with me. Then when the tests and procedures were always normal, then he decided that my diagnosis falls into the IBS pot. In other words, he had no idea what to do. I mentioned to him that I had seen some alternative doctors and tried to discuss with him what their thoughts were and why it made sense to me. He blew it off. He told me I just had to live with IBS and treat the symptoms for life. I asked him why my body was doing this and shouldn't we treat the cause not just the symptoms? He looked like a deer in headlights and had no response.

I was concerned too because I take Protonix. Great drug for reflux. Bad, that it turns off the hydrochloric acid in your stomach which is needed to aid in the digestion of your food. It also depletes your calcium supply. No one told me those parts until I went to a functional medicine doctor and had been on the drug for years and years. I really want to get off this medication, but when you try to get off of it, you can have nausea, stomach pain, severe reflux, gi upset and more. I tried but I couldn't do it because of the side effects. I tried to talk to the GI doc about it and my concern about the calcium being depleted in my body. He told me to stay with Protonix, up the dose if I had more reflux, and to take a calcium supplement if I was really that worried about losing calcium. After all, the medical research doesn't support that thought. I asked him about constipation with calcium supplements. His answer truly showed me just how caring of a person he really is. He told me to eat a pea or some other food that gives me diarrhea to loosen it up. Ha Ha Ha. Seriously, he thought he was funny. My thought, he is a jerk stuck in a box.

Anyways, my belief and knowledge of natural or alternative methods for healing has grown over the years. I saw the functional medicine doctor for a year, waited a little while and then tried another one, and waited and then tried another one. The interesting thing is that they too like to run tests, but how they handle the results is so different. And they listen to what you say. Amazing! I was treated with herbs, that helped settle my tummy. I was put on probiotics and continue them today to help rebuild my flora since I am on protonix (I know - why am I still on it?). I was also taking digestive enzymes to help my body digest the food I could eat. I also had a serum allergy test done. This is where it gets interesting.

A little side story - My son had been having issues with severe stomach pain and vomiting every few weeks or so. I took him to see the same naturopathic doctor I was seeing. This doctor suggested running a serum allergy test on both of us. When we got the results back, I thought the doctor had mixed them up. My results showed no food allergies. Did you read that? NO FOOD ALLERGIES. This is after 4 years of me being told that I have food allergies and should not eat these foods. My son on the other hand, he has food allergies. He is allergic to dairy, eggs, gluten and beef (I know, weird, right?). We took those foods out of his diet and guess what. No more severe stomach pain and vomiting. If his tummy "burns" from eating something citrus or spicy, we give him slipper elm in applesauce and it does the trick. Natural and no side effects.  As for me, I am so happy that I have no food allergies, but then why is my body reacting like it is allergic?

This naturopathic doctor determined after listening to my story and my thoughts (1 of which I will save to tell you about another time) was that my body is inflamed due to stress. Yep - stress. When I started to get sick, my son was 2. In the 2-3 years prior to that, I had a very hard pregnancy. Lots of roller coaster emotions. I was diagnosed with partial placenta previa at 10 weeks. I was then was hospitalized at 22 weeks for a shortened cervix and was on strict bed rest for 63 days in the hospital.  Yep - 2 1/2 months of not being allowed to sit up, walk or get out of bed. While lying there in bed, I had the emotional roller coaster of my son not making it, my son having down syndrome, then being a preemie and then all should be ok. Thankfully I had my husband who is my rock while going through that. He too was suffering and together we made it through!

Besides that emotional roller coaster, I was hospitalized where I worked. My son was born at 38 1/2 weeks after having my water broken because I was literally sitting on his head. He was born healthy. I never really dealt with my emotions going through that or the depression I felt after he was born. I just kept moving forward in a daze. I then went back to work in that same hospital and saw daily reminders of the pain, emotions, and stress that I had gone through. I did leave that place and took a more stressful job and then another stressful job and then a really stressful job - again, see my pattern? This stress was making my body freak out!

This knowledge and revelation just happened in December 2011. I have started a new probiotic that has L-glutamine in it to help heal my digestive system. I drink tons of water. I no longer need digestive enzymes. And the final piece, I'll share later. My fear still holds me hostage. I try to eat other foods that I know I am not allergic to, but my fear stands in my way. Writing about it and making it known is one of my steps to healing. I have a long road to go, but I will get there. Today, I feel better than I have in 4 years. I am very active and am discovering my passion. My stress is so much less now, and I have learned such vital survival methods like breathing, exercising, supplements, healthy foods, living life, and what toxins need to stay away from me and my family. Finally, I have hope.

Let's Talk About It

As I mentioned, I was depressed on some level. Besides being depressed, I was scared and anxious. My emotions were out of control. I would vacillate from being and feeling ok, to crying uncontrollably,  to be so angry. It was stressful on me and on my family. I had been a person who loved to go out to eat with them, and I was finally starting to try new foods. Suddenly, food became the center of arguments, and I felt tortured watching people eat what I couldn't or wouldn't because I was so scared of eating and getting sick. I needed to heal, but how?

I decided after meeting with an integrative medicine physician that I would go talk with a health psychologist. This is a person who helps people deal with health issues and their affects on your mental and emotional state. Now, at this point I am not an open person where I feel comfortable crying and being the center of attention. Or even worse, telling someone my secrets of not wanting to eat and only eating a few things. I had to change this though. I was causing my family and myself pain with my food and sickness issues.

I felt like I jumped off a cliff into the unknown. So scared. Thankfully, this health psychologist turned out to be wonderful. She was calm and reasonable. She listened and didn't judge me. She let me cry and told me it was normal to being feeling this way after what I had been going through. I just felt like a scrawny, blubbering mess and that I was slowly losing my mind.

The best thing that she taught me was to breathe. Now that sounds a little silly. Don't we all know ho to breath? Evidently not. I learned to breath through the stress and anxiety. She showed me how to use biofeedback and breathe within my abdomen and up into my chest. My goal at first, was to stay focused for five breaths like this. Simple! Actually, not so much. I was amazed at how quickly my mind would start thinking about something else, so I would start my breathing over. This is the best tool that I learned and still use today. Breathing the right way. The calming effect is amazing. If you haven't tried breathing, you have got to try it!

Ok, so I learned to breathe and that was helping with some of my anxiety and stress. Next, how the heck do I start to eat other foods? Foods that I know my body needs, but I am so scared to try. Her advice....... lick it. Seriously, that was it. Just lick it! If I can lick it once, then maybe the next time, I can nibble a piece or just put it in my mouth and spit it out. Crazy. I know. The good thing is that this goes through my head all of the time. Just lick it. The bad news is that I am still struggling with actually eating anything new.

She also helped me not feel like such a freak because I was eating differently than other people. The other phrase that sticks with me is "So  what?" So what if I bring my own food to a restaurant or just have water there? I am with my family and friends, right? So what if my tummy hurt a little or I had a few extra trips to the bathroom? So what if I made my life less stressful and actually enjoyed myself? So what if I broke this vicious cycle of sadness, anger, and pain? Wow, that would be great.

I saw her for a year, and I think it made a difference in how I perceive myself. I still use those phrases in my head. I am amazed at how calm they make me feel and how they center me so that I feel like am normal. I know I still I have a long road to go. She once said "it took you 4 years of sickness to feel this bad, give yourself at least that long to heal". That is my goal. 2012 is the year I start healing. This is the year I am allowing myself to be free to heal. I will get there no matter what long road I take. With the support of my family and friends, I can do it. I can do anything.